Part II: Love pain and the whole damn thing...

My work made me leave the shores of Marina and took me far and away to a place that I had only read, heard or seen on the television. A land that we all over the years have come to know as “The land of Opportunities”, United States of America. It was sixteen minutes past 3:00 in the afternoon as I looked out of the window of my flight BA 295, an airstrip of black concrete covered on either side by pearl white snow. We touched down, I took my first step out, Chicago welcomed me in all her beauty… and with her she brought a friend… a genuinely nice, warm human being I have known now for exactly 10 years and 2 days short of 3 months!

As we walked out to the parking lot with gentle flurries falling on us, went to his apartment, roamed around and till he dropped me back to catch my final flight to the Motown of Detroit, little did I realize in those moments that this journey would change my life in more ways than one.

Over the next few days…weeks… I got more and more engrossed with my work, a day would often start at 6:00 am with either a call back to the team at India or a business workshop with clients at GM University some 20 miles away, then trickle down to further meetings, documents, arguments, consensus and a disappointing lunch of salads or a bottle of Coke with a packet of chips squeezed in between. My principles of vegetarianism surely were not helping my cause, days typically ended late into the night with more conference calls and offshore politics.

There were no reasons to complaint, this was a life that I had very much “signed-up” for, I walked into all of this with both my eyes wide open. And then one day it all changed and life took an unexpected turn like a river down the slopes of a mighty mountain, a pleasant one at that.

As I walked through skyscrapers of groceries, clothes, household, electronics and what not at Costco (a Warehouse Giant) something made me tread back a few steps and look back little curiously. Who is that…seems familiar…where have I seen…oh damn the memory…think…think…think… oh god is it her?? No…phat came back the reply from the ever practical and unimaginative brain, ever ready to pour water on even the tiniest of sparks…sparks filled with hope, wishes, dreams and what not. In between all these truckload of confusing signals crisscrossing across the heart and the brain, the eyes searched for what the heart sought.

There she was, indeed her, all by herself… how on earth could I forget... dressed in Olive Green, to me she seemed something of a bright red tulip from Holland. Is this happening to me?? Why are you being nice all of a sudden? As I questioned god…there was nothing that could stop me at that moment from reaching out to her… no power no force. I walked up, we recognized each other instantaneously, and there was no need for introductions. For once words seemed irrelevant or let’s just say another one of those useless inventions, it was a different matter all together that I was neither comfortable nor at command with words.


It was one of those moments when you didn’t have to say anything, it was there for you to see, a silence that spoke. She was just the same, the same bundle of joy that I had missed tying myself onto. You could hear a soft track playing somewhere…somewhere deep within you…I am not sure if the whole world froze around at that time but she sure seemed frozen as I stood there looking at her.

We started meeting often thereafter, weeks became days and sometimes days became hours,she had just walked into my life in a poverty and crime stricken place and turned it into the paradise on earth. I thanked god, thanked Detroit, thanked my employer and would have probably thanked anyone who was willing to hear me out…may be go thank even a grizzly bear. Ahhhh…. now that was a little too much… ok no bears please!!

We often used to hangout in the evenings, spending hours together. There were no signs of boredom anymore; her company was pure bliss that only left me wanting more and more. She used to wear this star shaped pendant and it was strange thought that I always spotted her turning up in green, I never bothered asking, it just simply didn’t matter because every time I saw her she just swept me off my feet. She had this bubbly sparkle about her which was not just waiting to burst out with love but was also rubbing an effect on me. Those moments between us…it felt like sailing on shallow, silent waters with virtually nothing around as far as your eyes could see.

Time indeed flies and I failed to notice…failed to see it coming, I lost on the fact that I was on a business trip here and needed to get back home to India pretty much sooner. The mere thought of it disturbed me at length. I couldn’t take her along and even if I did I was very sure that there was no way folks were ever going to approve of our relationship. As my return date came closer the anxiety and the helplessness increased ten folds. But amidst all this turmoil, she always kept calm, reassuring as though every other day was like we had met for the first time.

She knew me inside out, had seen me in good and bad times, dark and bright moods. The best part about her was we never questioned each other, there were no explanations sought, we both very much knew where we stood and what the next day brought to us. There are some things in life that cannot be testified against the rulebooks of society, principles and values because these are beyond the boundaries defined by “us” humans. There are no rights or wrongs, nobody wins or loses, one just needs to accept, acknowledge and appreciate them in that very form…some relationships are like that, not defined by any rationale but by some greater force.

I boarded my flight back home… alone. It was the longest flight of my life, thoughts wandering in the open skies, sitting there I wondered what the future held in store? What I was leaving behind? Was this it? Were these just showers of a rare passing cloud over a desert? Could I turn back the clock? turn back the flight? Would we meet again?




...meet … we did…yes indeed.

To be continued…
-Sam